By Michael Dayan, PhD RCC CCC
Some clients share a feeling of having suddenly lost their way; adrift in a profound sense of confusion and disorientation. I believe that although major life transitions may present as terrifying, when greeted with sufficient consciousness and courage, these moments of confronting the unknown may in fact be necessary moments of reckoning.
Through my clinical focus on major life transitions, while recognizing the uniqueness of each person’s context and experiences, I observe some commonalities. For example, and perhaps by definition, transitions start with an important ending. This may be the end of a long-held belief, a way of life, a tradition, a relationship, a plan, an aspect of identity, a change in health or employment status. These endings may be externally imposed through a job loss, divorce, or the death of a loved one. But they are also triggered by internal shifts in belief, values, or consciousness. However they come about, major life transitions signify a point of no return in one’s life journey; either to what, how, where, or with whom one’s life is to be lived.
In my work with clients undergoing major life transitions, I note resistance as another common theme. No matter how difficult or painful a condition may be, there is likely a struggle between moving from familiar to unknown. We cling to the known, fearing the discomfort of the liminal state between work roles, organizations, career paths, and relationship stages. Careful analysis can unlock the courage to find and move in the right direction where the heart is truly calling.
Our current historical moment rejects the tribal mythologies and sanctified institutions that once marked and provided guidance through our major life transitions. Without them, we are left disoriented and alone. Although the path through is intensely personal, I believe recognizing the common features can help to normalize and provide fruitful guidance along the way. Although we begin with an ending, major life transitions may in fact become gifts for us to look back at our experiences and reset ourselves in meaningful directions for rewarding futures.